Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Free Your Mind Tuesday #7: Living and Believing the Dream

This is post #7 in a series of post for the 50 questions that will "Free Your Mind" which I will be doing every Tuesday. If you have chanced upon my blog and have answered or is also planning to answer the same set of questions, please do link up so that we can all read each others' entries.

Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?

Career-wise, I'd say, right now, I am doing what I believe in.

I don't usually delve into this topic but now I will. It's about time that I try not to 'hide'. I've got my own reasons (like getting away from pressure and people's expectations). I guess it would be healthy that from time to time, I do try to assess myself and accept the fact that I am not perfect. But even though I'm not, I am here for a greater plan.

So where am I right now?

With confidence, I say, I am doing what I believe in. I have many plans for my future they wouldn't fit in one lifetime. What I can do is just to live this life and make my most out of it.

Currently, I'm in law school (which really doesn't reflect in my writing style) and in my hopefully, final semester. I'm here because I wanted to be here ever since I can remember. Nobody in the influenced me, no background from friends and family. I was alone at this and it was just a secret ambition. So when the oppotunity came, I simply grabbed it.

After a few misfortunes in lawschool, I never thought of giving up. Just because I don't ace in my subjects doesn't mean I am no good. The fact that I am here right now means that I could be something - and I say that with pride. Even though I see myself as an average student, just like undergraduates and even highschoolers, there is still a certain pride that you take when you say I'm in Lawschool. Come on, I'm not bragging, but really, it's true. Just like what my teacher used to say: What makes you different is that you are in law school. The rest a mere mortals.

BUT I was never the type who bragged. Never the type who talked. I didn't want to tell anyone about it. Not until now, obviously. 
I was afraid that they might see me as somebody I'm not: highly intellectual with superb pursuing prowess and with a good command of the law. People would simply be dismayed about me, and I would fail their expectations of me. I didn't want to impress, partly because I couldn't. 
I see myself as a mediocre who just happens to have the IQ good enough to pass the Law School Qualifying Test. I got 98%, which makes me think I'm an under-achiever,  having flunked at least 6 units of subjects in a previous school which resulted to me being forced to transfer to a different one.

I however think I was destined for this. I am here for a purpose.
I've got plans after graduation and after the bar exams. It wasn't by accident that I am here. I chose this path, not because there was no other, not because I had to simply continue despite the failures. I didn't simply settle for this just to live with it after making unwise decisions and maybe so as not to hurt my pride. I'm not doing this for somebody else. This is for me. This is what I believe in. I am here because I wanted to. And I still want to be here. And I want to become a lawyer. Someday, it will be easier for me to reach my goals, live my advocacy, and serve those who have less in life.

 Personal life-wise though, specifically love life, I think I am just settling for what I have. I am still loveless. And I firmly believe that I am not meant to be like this. :) Crossing fingers and waiting for that love to come along. I am still young. I still have a loooong way to go. :D 
But it would have been nicer if I had somebody. haha! ;-)

I don't know if this post answers the question or hits the right mark, but this is my take on it. :)


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