tonight i just sat inside the car, turned the engine and headlights on and listened to the radio. being inside the car at night gives me a relaxed feeling and i don't know why. maybe because i stayed home the last few days and i'm used to going out everyday for class. depression (think: grades, and friends graduating, and low passing percentage from the recent bar exams) and boredom somehow set in.
i miss school and i miss my friends. weird, i know.
i don't drive. well, i know how to drive. i've got a license and a car (not technically mine though) but i've never really driven alone. aside from the fact that that car has it's undependability issues (okay, i think i just made that word up), i still have issues with driving.
i wanted to move the car a bit but then it was already dark, and even with the headlights on, i was afraid of moving it. i'll show you why.
i did that while i was trying to get it out of the garage. oh well, i just needed more practice. the garage is newly constructed, and i blame it to unfamiliar estimates. blah!
i've always thought that driving was going to be easy for me. well, it's not (i have a serious problem on estimating distances). i've only taken driving lessons last year, so i'm still a newbie. people say that i'll get used to it and that it's normal for somebody like me to experience a few bumps at times. that doesn't make me feel any better, but somehow assured me. baby steps. patience. i'll get there someday.
anyway, while inside the car today, i told myself (well, the car actually), that i should be driving myself to school by the next semester ("i should be driving you to school already, so please, cooperate!"). or maybe starting this summer since i've got a class. i only need a lot of focus and determination and trust in myself that i can do it.
and while inside, i also thought about myself. i am still giddy about my grades. i previously posted that there's no reason to fret but then, i'm so scared. next semester is supposedly my last, and then i should be off marching my way to graduation. but two subjects this semester has gotten me so worried i have trouble sleeping, i could stare at facebook the whole day and night! oh okay, make that three subjects since i super flunked one final exam, i'm sad. and depressed. and nervous. and sad. and depressed. and the cycle goes on. proof of depression? i almost finished a bottle of peanut butter today.
anyhow, i should get over this. asap! tomorrow, i practice driving again. and avoid damaging the car and hurting myself, or others for that matter. and i should be back to my optimistic self (oh, i blame that on PMS). maybe i should start doing other things. finish the books i'm reading. clean my room (ilara ko). study, perhaps? finish that calendar. and stop munching on that peanut butter (i love the crunch of the crispies).
starting tomorrow, i pledge to drive away all my depression.
for now, let me catch up with my PLL. i've missed out on the last 3 episodes. still can't figure A out.