First off, let me say this:
I felt like I had a lot of things going on at the same time so I kept myself busy these past few weeks. By busy, I mean crocheting, cooking, and reading. The main goal was to keep my anxiety out.
While everybody else was busy with their resolutions, as usual, I had none prepared. I try to live with the mantra, one step at a time. With emphasis on try.
I thought new years were for new beginnings. Doesn't apply to all though. It was only a week into the new year and I've heard of four deaths.
First was an uncle. We weren't close. Heck, I think he doesn't even know my name. But I knew him. And his children. And I cared. Because he went through the struggles of cancer. And seeing how my cousin loved his dad so much, it hurt me too. I could never imagine my world without my father.
Then there was this lady lawyer friend who was a big inspiration. She along with others opened my eyes to alternative lawyering. And it was her who shared this to us, and I will never forget: the alternative law group
are a group of swimmers swimming against the tide. And they call others to join them. There was more to it, and though it sounds like a cliche, at that time I first heard it, I felt like I have found my true calling. It's sad I won't be able to visit her wake. But I've said my prayers...
And then a Grand Aunt died. I loved her so much. Maybe because she was a lovable old lady. She died at 92. I thought she was going to live longer. I can't forget that time when she told me that she'd live long enough to see me get married. She'll be there on my wedding day. Oh well.
The latest one is my friend's father's death. We're not close, but somehow, I really feel sad. I feel sad for the sons and daughters who lose a parent at an early age. My greatest fear is to lose my loved ones. I don't know how I could handle that.
But death shouldn't be seen as sadness though. I think. It's the time when finally, those we love will live an eternity with our creator. They've left us behind but surely, they're in a much better place. Maybe the best place even, where one could ever be. There will always be pain, but everything will be healed in due time.
As for my 2013, I haven't seen past February. I only see a clouded future ahead. It's like I'm still hanging by a thread. And my bank account is dwindling. To start off, I think I need a job, ASAP.
and, when he shall die, Take him and cut him out in little stars, And he will make the face of heaven so fine That all the world will be in love with night And pay no worship to the garish sun.