I dug a grave...

I dug a grave for a puppy. 

Literally and figuratively.

I have been MIA for weeks because I was busy with other stuff. And somehow, I got bored with my laptop I didn't want to use it. Yes, as simple as that.

But today, I can't help but post about this guilt I am feeling right now.

It started days ago when I realized that a dog (which eventually affected the dog house and thus the rest of the dogs) has been infected with those tick, lice and fleas (okay, I don't know the difference so let's just address them as parasites). The three less-than-month old puppies were infected with lots, and i say LOTS of parasites. I read over the internet that you should consult your vet first before you apply anything on puppies less than 3 months old.

But I was hardheaded. The pups were looking healthy anyway, so I still went on and powdered one puppy with a flea powder. Just a little dash of powder though. Good thing I didn't see the effect immediately so I didn't apply powder on the others. I just painstakingly plucked those parasites out of their body. But of course, it didn't finish all those parasites. So the next day, I went to the pet shop (finally) and asked for the best solution. I totally forgot about the powder so I didn't mention it anyway. They gave me this herbal spray which was okay to be used for 3-week old pups. I also bought a solution to be sprayed for the dog house.

The next morning, I excitedly sprayed on the pups and saw that it was working! I was hopeful that finally those parasites will be gone.

Now about 3 days after, I saw one puppy noisily sleeping. I thought maybe it was just dreaming. 

How cute, I thought.

I left home at around 6am to get my brother to school. By the time I got home, my mother told me to pass by the back door. She then said that one puppy died. It was the dreaming puppy. And then it dawned on me, it was the puppy which I powdered.

My mother asked me to dig a hole in our backyard. I didn't want to. But she was busy doing some gardening and no one else was left to do it. So I had to. For the first time in my life, I dug a grave. There had been many dead pets in our family but this one is different. I feel like I was the one who killed it. Negligence. If only the pets could sue, I would have been guilty of negligence for administering a poisonous substance. But I was only thinking of their health. Nonetheless, I was negligent.

So I finished digging a tiny grave. I couldn't get myself to bury a puppy so it was my mother who buried it. It's mother was there, watching. I was watching from afar too.

I have never felt this kind of guilt before.  It's life we're talking about, and I wasted it. I used to not feel much for dead puppies because I've seen our dogs give birth to abnormal puppies which die the next day. The last time I cried for a puppy was when my dog, after giving birth, sat on her puppy. It wasn't able to breath, and it died! She was in a place where I couldn't pull her so I wanted to strangle her after! She wasn't the mommy type anyway.

Anyway, after everything that happened today, I vowed to always take care of my pets. And I'm going to finish all those parasites! Watch out! If only I could stop those neighboring dogs from entering our property. hmph. And if only the unnamed puppy could hear me in the afterlife, I'm sorry. I really am. :(

As for this blog, I'm planning on taking a serious step. haha!

I'm now trying to learn, or maybe I'm now teaching myself, the value of DISCIPLINE.

Wish me luck! :)



*edit*
I was reading a friend's post today and saw that she was happy her page rank on Google has leveled up. I went to check mine since it has been 0/10 all along. I was so happy to see this:

Finally, some progress. Which means I really should work on my self-discipline!
And I wouldn't deny the fact that 20sb and blog hops helped me get this. And to my friends who constantly check my blog. haha :)

Thanks a lot!